I truly enjoyed reading this. I identify. When I was in my late teens I used to go through periods of depression. One night I had a dream that there was a large black monster following me around . I knew I could push it over the cliff but I felt sorry for it and didn't want to hurt it. That was my kind self- but by the end of the dream I did push it over the cliff. After that I did not focus on the darkness as it was happening, I focused on knowing that after the darkness comes the dawn- literally,. The darkness is not real in and of its self , it is part of a process. The periods of depression are like a cleansing time when we process all the things that bother us, and as I am doing that I am thinking about how great I will feel afterward. Then the ups and downs level out for the most part.